@radtoria: amazing how folks can pinpoint the subtle floral undertones in a glass of wine while i'm like "yo, is there mustard on this grilled cheese?"
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@LizHackett: I just want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like "If the puma seems restless, let him splash in the Jacuzzi a bit."
@david8hughes: [phone rings] "We've removed your son's missing picture from our milk cartons." "You found him?" "No, people stopped buying milk."
@thenatewolf: J.R.R. Tolkien invented an entire language for the elves but where the hobbits live is called Hobbiton.
@brennadine: "How hard up for cash do you have to be to wear a chicken suit & wave at cars," I think, adjusting the beak protruding from my forehead