@adam_bloomquist: Saw a billboard that said: Don't be distracted by driving and texting. Next one said: Don't be distracted by driving and reading billboards.

@Dr_awfulpants: I don't want to criticize but whoever named them brownies wasn't trying very hard.

@Hobo_Splendido: The Church used to teach that all babies that die go to Limbo, but it was easy for them because they're so short.

@topaz_kell: Sorry I rubbed your belly for good luck, wealth and prosperity.

@Brentweets: CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.