@Brentweets: America is 5 wars away from receiving a free one.
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@Derekexplosm: Hey doofus, the fashion police called. Your father died last night on duty. He wanted you to have this. "Slim fitting houndstooth peacoat*
@TheresNoGodzila: Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
@aksorojas: I just discovered that first aid kits do not include slices of pizza in it and I feel so betrayed.