@JoParkerBear: America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and half is spent trying to lose weight, and half is spent on education.
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@SardonicTart: Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
@johnbiehl: Alien: why should I not blow up this planet? Human: we are an advanced species A: how do you travel? H: we light old dinosaurs on fire
@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.