@Laser_Cat: America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy's capital.
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@sucittaM: If the US ever decides to change its currency from the dollar to the unmatched tupperware lid I'll be a very wealthy man.
@shawnspree: Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman.
@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."