@TheMichaelRock: America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
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@MacAnnabella: Every time I delete a selfie, I imagine the sound of a Gremlin being burned alive by the sunlight.
@AmishPornStar1: The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship.
@goldengateblond: I suck in my stomach when I weigh myself like my scale will be all "oh she's much thinner than I thought, I'll adjust the numbers."