@jwoodham: American cheese is just regular cheese that's not afraid to fight for freedom! Also, it's fatter than the other cheeses. And more racist.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
@ValeeGrrl: Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
@JohnHilsen: I suppose I should be thankful that I'm a single adult. Life would be much more complicated if I were multiple adults.
@UnicornSyrup: I put my phone in "airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. It just fell and now my screen is cracked. Worst. Transformer. Ever .