@jwoodham: American cheese is just regular cheese that's not afraid to fight for freedom! Also, it's fatter than the other cheeses. And more racist.
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@Sickayduh: "In my defense, Your Honor, I only made comments about her yoga pants cause harassment a lot to me" "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@bonehugsnirony: Therapist: don’t take things personally Me: [literally a conscious being that experiences life from a first-person perspective] ok I’ll try
@Brampersandon_: Hey check out this new candle I got. -Sweet. What flavor is it? I think you mean 'what scent is it?' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What?