@jwoodham: American cheese is just regular cheese that's not afraid to fight for freedom! Also, it's fatter than the other cheeses. And more racist.
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@shkeeber: 1. Find homeless man. 2. Bathe him. 3. Wash & patch up his clothes. 4. Give him a record player. 5. Congratulations, you own a hipster.
@TheToddWilliams: You're never gonna believe this but Ben Carson's full name is Benghazi Carsonofsatan
@DaddyJew: 7: what do you want for your birthday? Me: idk a new car 7: ok *walks away* [ 2 min later ] 7: what do you want that's under $6.42?