@markydoodoo: American Horror Story: Public Restroom
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@TimFernholz: The @NewYorker buying Twitter ads to promote its article about how Twitter is dying kind of undercuts the thesis
@noog: If I had Pokemon, I’d pretend to understand them. They’d go “Bulba bulbaaasaur” and I’d be like “What do u mean Hitler did nothing wrong?”
@sixfootcandy: Husband: What kind of toothpaste should I get? Me: Sensitive, strengthening, whitening, tartar control, plaque removing, deep clean, breath freshening, complete protection, with baking soda. Husband: So get the blue stuff? Me: Yes.
@thesulk: "I got chills, they're multiplying, and I'm losin' control." Buddy, you got stomach flu.