@Landon8426: American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took "the floor is lava" game way to seriously as kids.
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@AndyAsAdjective: coworker: those are some crazy socks me: well I guess th- socks: THE GOVERNMENT RECORDS ALL OF OUR PHONE CALLS & IS HIDING UFO EVIDENCE
@DeronH: A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"
@ShutUpThatsWho: [opening can of Russian Pringles] once u pop u [inside can is a slightly smaller can] huh [inside that can is an even smaller can] wtf [in..