@lloydrang: Americans are just Canadians that someone fed after midnight.
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@PAT_E_ROCK: The water drought in California is so bad, that someone broke into my cousins house and stole his waterbed.
@KeetPotato: cop: "can you point at which zebra it was" zebra: "ha good luck we all look the same" me: [points at zebra wearing my sunglasses] "that one"
@RoosterMustache: "Where'd my boomerang go?" Under there "Under where?" Hahaha I just made you say "underwear" *boomerang hits me in the back of the head*
@TechnicallyRon: Lifehack: Turn any noun into an insult by simply putting 'You absolute' before it. Examples: You absolute drum You absolute fridge You absolute shed You absolute goose You absolute bollard