@TheOnion: Americans Celebrate 10 Millionth 'Bring Yourself To Work Day'
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@Carbosly: Me: My sex life is like your car. Friend: What? Sleek, performance-inspired, 6-speed, classic & acclaimed? Me: Nope. Electric powered.
@rockymomax: [freezing huddled around fire] Dont worry I brought blankets to keep us warm *throws blankets on fire* that should last a good half hour
@writerPT: 5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?
@GibJimson: My family doesn't get together a lot during the holidays. We see each other enough throughout the year at all the interventions.