@causticbob: Americans: Iran and Iraq are countries, not Apple products, so say their names properly.
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@77StephanieG77: I just learned that embalmers insert butt plugs into corpses to prevent leakage.... So now I know why zombies walk like they do.
@shariv67: Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.
@dafloydsta: [getting mugged] ME: *leans in for a kiss* MUGGER: *slowly backs away* ME: haha this is so us