@laurenmacdonald: Americans should be asking Santa for better presidential candidates and nothing else.
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@QwertyJones3: [First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? "Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??
@hippieswordfish: *2 pieces of bread being held hostage* bread 1: any way you slice it we're toast bread 2: we're dead wheat me: did my breakfast just talk