@TheTweetOfGod: America's Got (a very loose definition of what constitutes) Talent.
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@iLikeCatShirts: Me [to my friends]: No one ever invites Gary out because he always has some strange contraption. *Gary pole vaults past us*
@clyderun: At the bar I got into a factual debate with another patron. He pulled the "I have a PhD" card. Now he has a PhD AND a fork in his eye.
@clindsaysway: Meant to say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." What came out: "I'm available anytime"
@stevefrigley: Just recorded my boss yelling at someone on the phone. Guess who has a new ringtone.