@KaylarWill: It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus

@notalogin: With KFC's announcement they've created an edible coffee cup, the chain is ready to face its next challenge: creating edible food.

@justabloodygame: A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury. "You've made a grave mistake!" He fumes.

@SonOfCha: Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"

@VaChina1: Yes I have exams. No, I'm not easily distracted. Yes, my shadow is interesting.