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@donni: Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
@pizza_dragon: Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco.
Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he's away on fishing weekends.
@WeekendTwitr: Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.
@mydmac: Can I get a piña colada please.
'This is Starbucks'
Sorry, can I have venti piña colada.
@WineMummy: "DIDN'T THE KIDS JUST HAVE A DAY OFF SCHOOL LAST MONTH!?!"
~A parent's memoir.
@artsofdrawing: *During math test*
My answer: 28.
Answer choices: 17, 19, 26, 45.
Me: "well 26 is closer to 28, so that must be the answer."