@Barknado69: Amoeba: dad, how was I made?
Amoeba Dad: well son, when a man loves himself very much
@AbrasiveGhost: UK Scientist: We've engineered a new species of cyanobacteria
U.S. scientist: We've made pigs in a blanket 50% piggier
@waydybee: Sometimes i think my life sucks. Then i look at the lives of others. Then it hits me. My life does suck!!
@Blarebare: I'm seriously considering taking up falconry. Someone pisses me off? BAM! Falcon, right in the face.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer.
@vineyille: "I saw mommy kissing santa claus" has the same number of syllables as "I saw someone die at Disney World." Life's funny like that.