@Barknado69: Amoeba: dad, how was I made?
Amoeba Dad: well son, when a man loves himself very much
@SonOfCha: Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"
@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
@ningella: People who live in Lego houses should not walk around without shoes.
@TBH42: There was a time when men expected to be your lover without getting with your friends. That all changed in 1996. Let me tell you a story...
@JawnQSack: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
A zombie trying to convince his son to finish his dinner.