@dragonsorbet: An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster
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@dafloydsta: Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to.
@AdderallMomma: --Wanna go rubbing in the park tomorrow with me? Thanks auto correct, this is why I can't have nice friends.
@PretendMunchkin: Nothing like watching a 2 year old with her head stuck in her shirt collar. I'm gonna let her fight it out for a bit. Snacks anyone?
@BrainFumbles: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ...