@dragonsorbet: An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster
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@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
@jake_likes_naps: "Daddy will u tuck me in?:)" "Ok" *tucks him in* "Daddy sing me a song:)" "Ok" *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES H
@nbadag: HER: [whispering seductively] tell me your wildest fantasy ME: [also whispering] owning a home
@Midgetspar: On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment.