@dragonsorbet: An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster
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@KyleMcDowell86: *puts dreamcatcher above bed* "Sure hope this works" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* "YES"
@stephenjmolloy: [3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?
@leahlovescheez: My gynecologist recognized me at the grocery store, so I guess I need to start wearing longer skirts.