@dragonsorbet: An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster
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@iwearaonesie: me[holding wife's shirt] Can this go in the dryer? wife:What does it say on the tag? me:Gap wife:The other tag me:Oh wife me:Made in Vietnam
@jimmytorosian: Slave: I know a way to escape Hipster slave: My friend Harriet has a better way. You probably haven't heard of it. It's really underground.
@trevso_electric: My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.