@RandomRamblr: An accountant who disappears with all his client's money is a math magician.
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@SteveSuckington: "Ok, identify the noun in this sentence. Timmy is stupid." Timmy: stupid? "Exactly"
@TheRolo: [Walking around the office] *Sees nosepicker* *Hears burper* *Smells gas* Boss: What are you doing? Calculating the..."Gross Margin."
@AndyAsAdjective: In a parallel universe somewhere, Bruno Mars is listening to the radio & he’s sick of me being on every channel.
@rolldiggity: Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy "doesn't exist" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?