@RandomRamblr: An accountant who disappears with all his client's money is a math magician.
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@lazerdoov: Genie: I shall grant you three wis- Me: I wish my ex would fall back in love with me Genie: here's the thing Jeff, Kate's with me now...
@steveolivas: I'm gaining weight because it's hard to carry around this much "awesome" in a standard-sized body.
@hyperseas: Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear.