@FeralCrone: An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich.
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@AristotlesNZ: Me: I cant tell you how to do everything. You need to figure out how to do things on your own 5yo: Ok Me:. 5yo:. Me:. 5yo: How do I do that?
@iamspacegirl: Me: oh hi! Did you come over because I'm sad? How do you always know when I need you? Cat: get me my damn jingle mouse. Me: I love you too
@TheMichaelRock: A coworker wouldn't stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
@therealeatwood: ELF COP: You have the right to remain splendiferous! Anything you say will be wonderful-funderful! You— CRIMINAL: Pls just take me to jail