@NoogsCorner: An ancient tribe of homosapiens split off from the rest and stared at the sun for thousands of years. Today we call them Asians.
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@RealSamHarwood: A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, "no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis"
@jonnysun: ME: did it hurt GIRL AT BAR: did wat hurt ME: when ur hopes of having a nice uninterupted night out got crushed bc i started talking to u
@KKAlThani: An alarm clock that sends the person you like one of your deleted mirror pictures every time you hit the snooze button.
@heidi420x: Her: how are you Me: good Her: you sure? Me: yup Her: you're alright? Me: yes.. Her: really? Me: Her: are y-- Me: people like you go missing