@AngelaEhh: An app that tells you the cleanest highway bathrooms. Why isn't this a thing yet.
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@hippieswordfish: *erases 1 and writes 0 on the 'days without incident' chart at Earl's Discount Stilts and Ceiling Fans*
@JasonLastname: 1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos
@ShutUpThatsWho: Scissors [to Rock]: So you beat me & I beat Paper but how does Paper beat you? [cut to Paper meeting a hitman] Make it look like an accident