@charliedelta7: An apple a day can keep ANYONE away if you throw it really hard at their face
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@Bacon_Ball: Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them "people are about to die". Then Hung up.
@Bownuggets: Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] "I ran into a door"
@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.