@justabloodygame: An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.
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@fanofhell: guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine
@lilgapeach32: Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!
@GringoBrulee: My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they're crying I can say "Gotham needs me"
@be_yourownhero: 10:00 am: sitting alone at work 10:05 am: my pudding cup is my new best friend 10:06 am: ate my best friend 10:07 am: sitting at work alone