@justabloodygame: An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.
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@PetrickSara: Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)
@mattZillaaaa: People say you're judged by the company you keep. Luckily, I don't keep any company.
@gianni_bcn: To show off my "Downton Abbey etiquette" at the gym, I don't throw punches at the punching bag. I just say something witty and cruel to it.