@justabloodygame: An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.
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@LizHackett: I want to be rich enough to leave the house-sitter notes like: "If the cheetah looks bored, jog him on the treadmill. He can watch Friends."
@Phoebetate: Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I'm too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I'm not too old for a pimple on the forehead
@squirrel74wkgn: Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer.
@FrenulumBreve: Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually.