@justabloodygame: An apple a day keeps my fruit-picking business trapped in bankruptcy.
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@TheOneTrueDisco: Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
@funnybeachgirl: 2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says "YOU MAN THE GUNS, I'LL DRIVE!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm not deleting this)
@SteveSuckington: DAUGHTER: why did you name me Paris? ME: You were conceived on our honeymoon in Paris SON: OMG!! ME: (to son) what's wrong 97FordF150?
@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.