@curlymalloy: An Apple a day may keep the Doctor away!!!... But an Onion a day keeps Everybody away!!!
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@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
@david8hughes: How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good.
@hazelmotes1: I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.
@lianamaeby: The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, "What's water?" so she wouldn't feel stupid.