@VerifiedBakchod: "An apple a day takes Billion Dollars away" ~ Samsung
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE [in labour] GOD MAKE IT STOP MIDWIFE: The baby's WIFE: NO, THE NOISE ME [stops playing pan pipes] Is the nurse being too loud, love?
@peteholmes: "Honey, have you seen the baby? I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!" - birth of an expression
@AbbyHasIssues: If I won the lottery, I wouldn't go nuts. Probably buy some printer ink, and with what was left over, maybe an avocado.