@FormerGrunt: An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
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@imadepoopstoday: Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious.
@Marlebean: Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Truth or dare I: M: I:.. Dare M: I dare you to give me this job I:(under breath) Damn she's good
@Brianhopecomedy: On my 5 year old's report card it said, "He is encouraged to ask more questions". ARE YOU KIDDING ME.