@StoferComic: An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don't really expect much to happen...
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@KissabiX: [at a farm] Dairy cow: Oooh that tickles Sheep: Look I got a new "hairdo" Chicken: Cool I didn't want to know any of my children anyway
@heatherlou_: *slips seductively out of shorts* You know what that means... *sleeps soundly for 7 hours* *drools a little*
@CoreyNotKori: My handwriting has slowly morphed from cheerleader to serial killer to elephant with a paint brush.
@bridger_w: Amazing how a fight can break out at the grocery store over something as simple as knocking over someone's cart and demanding they fight you