@StoferComic: An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don't really expect much to happen...
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@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends* Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon. Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons? Me: You heard me.
@LoriLuvsShoes: It's really cute how my 16 slams her bedroom door, in the house that I pay for, every time she gets pissed off. So...I took away the door
@pleatedjeans: Crime tip: commit all your crimes in space NASA is not the space police there are no laws up there you will not go to jail