@sixthformpoet: An e-mail confirming you've unsubscribed from a mailing list is a fun way of saying you're not having the last word in THIS argument, pal.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: I couldn't sleep. Just thinking all night Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day
@matt___nelson: "Hey can you take our picture?" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*
@freypalm: My dad: See, when you said you'd met a "special someone" we thought… Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON.
@Douchekevin: Men don't ask for driving directions because we just don't want to arrive wherever you're making us go.