@kimt205: An egg just followed me. Now I just need some bacon.
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@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"
@SadPeruna: If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
@DaddyJew: Your son has been suspended "for what?" He hit a kid who was picking on another child "so what, yall ran out of ice cream to give him?"
@Swishergirl24: If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating.