@_davidlucas_: An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.
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@qwertying: Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.
@Prero22: I feel guilty about being Asian because I didn't start playing the violin since I was born.
@SnizzleFrizzle: My kids are 23 and 13 and they still argue about who is my favorite. Warms my heart. Too bad it's neither of them.
@briangaar: Sorry girl, you know you were dating a bad boy *heads out to fight boss without saving or buying potions*