@HousewifeOfHell: An enterprising neighborhood kid started a business to fill in all those grownup coloring books for us. I feel more relaxed already.
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@iamspacegirl: [Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit
@BrainFumbles: They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder.
@DadandBuried: My baby reminds me of Freddy Kruger: he's got long, sharp fingernails, is most terrifying at night, and forces you to survive on no sleep.
@kelkulus: I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in.