@TheTweetOfGod: An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you're out of eyes.
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@daemonic3: Possum 911: What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing? Possum: Oh yeah
@AbrasiveGhost: [Meeting] CEO: as u can see [points to graph w laser] we- BUSINESS CAT:[comes flying across table & just crashes right into a photocopier]
@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
@Maxine12339: Unscramble: pnise If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.