@NicestHippo: An issue that will unite all Americans
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@rad_milk: as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water
@robfee: House Hunters: We need plenty of space for entertaining, 62 bedrooms, a fully staffed Cheesecake Factory & a heliport. Our budget is $287.
@Thedudish: If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.
@SergioValenCo: If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too.