@13spencer: An Italian rugby player will miss a match against Scotland after being bitten by a dog; Scotland was quoted as saying "good boy."
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@RobertJrDowney: I think Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
@coketruck76: Me: I'm into fitness Trainer: not again M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth T: you should go M: this isn't going to "workout" T: LEAVE NOW
@BatBatshitcrazy: Don't you dare look at me with that come hither stare; I haven't hithered in years.
@zachreinert03: Reporter got asked about any survivors of a plane crash & said 'its up in the air'. Dude if it was up in the air we wouldn't be in this mess