@clindsaysway: An obese old man who breaks into your house at night? A tiny flying woman who buys your dead teeth? It's a wonder children can sleep at all.
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@kelkulus: A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever.
@HairyJew4Life: Me: Wanna go out? Her: You're not Black Me: I'm Jewish. We've been persecuted more than them. Her: ... Me: That's not why you like them?
@IvoryGazelle: 8yo me: i wanta be a paleontologist when i grow up 28yo me: (sifting through cat litter) oh look, a quarter!