@Home_Halfway: An octopus is very cool because if Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were drowning, it would have enough tentacles to save all of them.
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@Try2StopME: Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.