@DurtMcHurtt: An octopus should have eightacles, not ten.
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@juliussharpe: I like to pretend I'm on "American Idol" by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot.
@KelleysBreakRm: The reason I don't like Facebook's "memories" feature is because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
@runawaycupcake: Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests.
@shivillex: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside..