@TeaPartyCat: An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.
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@bobvulfov: WAITER: how was everything ME: [rubbing belly] so delicious. thank u WAITER: great. please stop rubbing my belly
@Be___Dope: Her: You like shopping? Me: Oh god yes! Her: What's your favorite place? Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!
@AndrewNadeau0: If someone asks if I have time to talk about Jesus I tell them yes but they have to give me an equal amount of time to talk about Ducktales.
@mollymcnearney: Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.