@TeaPartyCat: An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.
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@pdxjohnny99: The coolest thing about the last Hobbit movie was knowing it was the last Hobbit movie.
@jazmasta: [hitting on hot babe in bar] ".. You're 28? NO WAY! I used to be 28! This is spooky. You like oxygen? OMG you're not gonna believe this.."
@Rollmaninoz: *Drops son at preschool* Son: I love you daddy *tears up* *3pm picks son up* S: love you Ms H, love you stuffed toy Me: oh I see how it is
@Ratchet7Don: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."