@allthenachos: An online dating service but to match you up with prospective burritos.
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@Sassafrantz: Saw a couple wearing surgical masks in public and all I could think was "what do they know that I don't?"
@TheTobbie: CASHIER: 300. ME: Ha, like the movie. CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld. ME: Ha, like the comedian. CASHIER: ... ME: Ha, like a mime...
@U_Want_Shum_M8: Robber: Give me all your money.Otherwise you are chemistry! ME: Don't you mean history? R: Don't change the subject! *Both start laughing