@huntigula: an owl mistook my man bun for a sleeping hamster again today
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@TweetsByTheTony: El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato.
@robfee: The prequel to 16 & Pregnant could be called "15 & Fully Trusted By Her Parents to Make Good Decisions, We Love You Brittani."
@Turbo_Jimmy: *hostage situation* Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE
@CanadianCyn: This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense.