@CYComedy: An upscale Asian restaurant called "Suit and Thai."
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@SteveSuckington: I accidentally caught my nuts in a barbed wire fence and now I'm the frontman of a Maroon 5 cover band.
@gojarbe: *spills water on pants* ok don't let anyone think you peed your pants "hey what happ--" MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL
@SamanthaaaReece: Me: today I'm not apologizing for ANYTHING!!!!!! *almost steps on pigeon* Me: omg sorry sorry sorry
@CA_Country: My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you'll need a shovel and map to find him.