@TheTweetOfGod: Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pleatedjeans: [cruising down highway in friend's car with windows down] me: [opens bag of glitter]
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old thought it was funny to put food in my mouth. It was cute with Skittles. Then she switched to dog food.
@DeanB15: Straight guys on twitter, If you haven't been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what's wrong with you.
@Sarcasticsapien: Interviewer: Where were you born? Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.