@reczit: Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day.
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@Carbosly: This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas. His name was John.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Serious question... Would Titanic have been more romantic if they had both died, but holding hands and floating, like otters?
@caseytduncan: I hate when friends send me home with leftovers in plastic containers. "Here, you throw this food away and then clean the containers."
@DanMentos: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, palms are sweaty. he forgot his lyrics already, palms are sweaty