@AlottaInfo: And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the earth round... and laughed...
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@Crunk_Jews: [blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU
@internetluke: If Christian Bale has never cancelled a date and said "sorry to Bale on you" then I don't think he is living life to the fullest.
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?