@theshamingofjay: And if I die before I wake I pray a virus my phone to take.
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@jeffreyvanclea1: if a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ..i just get in the back seat
@TheTweetOfGod: "Lord, can I have a pony?" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it.
@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."