@theshamingofjay: And if I die before I wake I pray a virus my phone to take.
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@WilliamAder: A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.
@desusnice: someone using bare hands to put salad on a plate is letting you know they're not here for discussions about etiquette or anything really
@_ElvishPresley_: *birds dress Cinderella for school* *gets to school, goes into bathroom* *buncha rabid squirrels gather and re-dress her in goth shit*
@robdelaney: I'm literally typing this from atop a giraffe in Ghana. Her name is Coriander & we love each other.