@WhitfordBradley: And Jesus said "If the lepers cannot afford healthcare, let them suffer, for poverty is a character issue."
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@DionneMcNutt: Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
@QwertyJones3: Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Prank caller: Is your refrigerator running? Me: Of course. Can't have these bodies at room temperature
@fakedansavage: Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate