@WhitfordBradley: And Jesus said "If the lepers cannot afford healthcare, let them suffer, for poverty is a character issue."
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@TheCatWhisprer: [pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral] sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute
@SgtButtCheeks: I forget what I used to do with my arms before I got my iPhone. Did I hang them down by my side? Straight above my head? I really forget.
@just1fool: "Do you wanna build a snowman?" "Sir, this is a Build a Bear shop." *Pulls out carrot "Oh, you brought a carrot. Sure, whatever."
@huntigula: [job interview] Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight'] [I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]