@CopBroughtPizza: and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE
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@MummaCrazy: "Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on.." [rubs up against your leg] "that's better" -cats
@Brentweets: I hired a person to randomly show up throughout the day and put baskets of bread on my desk.
@DirtMcTurd: Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant.
@Betfairpoker: I had a fight once. "You should see the other guy!" I said. My wife agreed. She's been seeing him for years now, they're a lovely couple.