@ImFunnyMang: And on the 32nd day, God had forgotten to end his free trial, so he was charged for the month.
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@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
@bridger_w: If I had a dog I'd say "I have a bone to pick with you!" and then we'd go to PetSmart to pick a bone and we'd laugh & laugh & can dogs laugh
@Aerostars4Sale: SPECIAL COLUMBUS DAY SALE: For $300 you can drive one of our vans into Canada and claim you discovered it.