@ImFunnyMang: And on the 32nd day, God had forgotten to end his free trial, so he was charged for the month.
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@fluffysuse: There are three types of people: 1. Annoying people 2. Annoying people I am sleeping with 3. People I haven't met
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded "I don't post pictures of my food online" and I think she believed me.
@Just_Lee_: My crush said he made his phone keys sticky thinking of me so I dumped him. I'm disgusted. What kind of loser still has keys on his phone?