@TheRolo: And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like "Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"
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@LlamaInaTux: Moms 2007: I don't know why you text LOL when you aren't literally laughing Moms 2017: Cry face emoji, clapping hands, three monkeys
@nonosimprov: Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour.
@shariv67: My husband said he bought the toupée for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I dont get men.
@junejuly12: *rushes in* "Sorry I didn't see the email" *slow smile* *twirls hair* [Teaching office new girl how to be late for meetings]