@TheRolo: And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like "Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"
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@kelkulus: For Earth Day, turn on your air conditioner and open your doors and windows. If we all work together, we can totally cool this planet.
@GreenishDuck: Sorry it took me 10 months to text you back. I'm a snake now and I typed this with my head.
@squirrel74wkgn: One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked.
@Playing_Dad: [Rappers job interview] Boss: What is your biggest weakness? Me: My rhyme game is weak. I can't speak. I'm a geek. Birds have feathers.