@Reverend_Scott: And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, "Oh man, you're not gonna believe this."
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@FinnMcIver: our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it
@nachosarah: if all my friends jumped off a cliff I wouldn't do it too because cats can land on their feet they'll be fine
@ThaJawn: (prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?
@Roweboat13G: For a good party trick, drill a hole in the top of your medicine cabinet and fill it with marbles before you invite people over.