@Reverend_Scott: And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, "Oh man, you're not gonna believe this."
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@thisis_thatguy: I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake.
@moose_chocolate: I routinely take 8 flights of stairs for no other reason than to avoid idle chit chat in the elevator. See, hating people can be healthy!
@electrolemon: this harriet tubman news is gonna make it super awkward every time i purchase slaves in cash
@Bottle_of_Death: *Reads your tweets, vomits into a bucket, mails bucket to you*- see what you made me do?